Yesterday, a new line joined my chant of I AM HAPPY I WANT TO BE HAPPY
It was I LOVE YOU
As I woke up yesterday, I realised that it was I who had to look after me, care for me, love me, accept me.
And I caressed my cheek and however corny it sounds, told myself, I LOVE YOU DON’T WORRY I WILL TAKE CARE OF YOU..
Every now and then I have had a tendency to overthink, overanalyses and let vague worries eclipse my otherwise peaceful life. Often I resist the choices I have made on my own and end up wallowing in self-pity and self-indulgence.
Few days ago I painfully became aware of this bad habit I have gotten myself into. Because the sadness wouldn’t go and it reminded me of those horrible few months I had dragged myself through 3 years ago, totally immersed in sadness of my own making.
When at home, the family cushions many of these habits. Husband and dog provided me with the emotional core and stability. This is a brand new realisation, btw.
But when you are on your own, these nasty habits can come and bite you in the ass.
So when this line came to me ( I am sounding like a nutcase on one of those religious channels na?), I suddenly realised how horrible I tend to be to myself. Like being cruel to an animal or kids.
I have decided above all, that I have to be nice to myself. I am not going to blame/ criticise/ analyse/ pressurize self ever again.
I am sure I will slip into self-blame on and off, since ‘introspection’ was something I was terribly proud of all my life.
But I am trying to work hard not to. I am imagining myself as the dog from now on. And treat myself exactly how I behave with him.